I was debating whether I should post this or not. I’ve decided to compromise. I usually share this on facebook but this time I’m just posting this here. I don’t believe I have too many who actively visit this site so probably only a few will see this. I hope that I don’t offend anyone because my intention is to try and inspire someone.

I had the opportunity to participate in a school activity with my middle child. At the beginning of the day he looks at me and tells me “mom the real reason I wanted you to be here is because I don’t have any friends”. I kind of laughed it off thinking yeah right this is my social butterfly child he has friends he’s just being overly dramatic. As the day progressed to my horror I realized he was right. I was so worried about my first kid having issues with making friends that I missed out on helping my middle child. I watched as other kids excluded him in playing game after game. It broke my heart to see. This sweet little boy who is so welcoming to everyone not even given the chance to play. However, Among this heart ache I did witness how caring he is. One girl from his class was sitting alone on a bench and had a sad/angry face on. He sat down with her and started talking to her listening to what she had to say. She eventually got up and walked away happy. What an awesome example of friendship. Later that day I picked my son up from scouts. He gets in my car and immediately started crying. This isn’t the first time it has happened after scouts and usually I brushed it off as being overly dramatic. This time I listened, really listened to what he had to say. He was crying because the boys played a few games at scouts and he was left out. Since I witnessed this happening time and time again earlier in the day it broke my heart to hear that it’s not only happening at school but at scouts too. I just took him in my arms and held him while we cried together.

When I was in 4th grade I had a friend who spread some rumors about me. This resulted in almost all of my friends dropping me. My 5th grade year I had no one to play with. Many school recesses were spent in the the library helping the librarian. My old friends didn’t say mean things to me or do anything bad to me they just stopped including me. They stopped talking to me. This was one of the hardest years of my life. For 6th grade we were combined with other elementary schools into middle school. I had one friend who went to a different elementary school. Because of her I had instant friends going into 6th grade. Now I can look back on that experience and be grateful. I’m better prepared to empathize with my 10 year old. I can tell him with confidence that it may be hard right now but he will find friends. He is a good person and because of who he is he will someday have more friends than he knows what to do with.

Friends are good to have and in many ways we let that define who we are. When I was a junior in High school my family moved. I had to start over making friends which terrified me to the core. It brought back memories of 5th grade all over again. The one difference was I knew I had a bunch of friends already. They just lived farther away now. I knew that it didn’t matter what other people thought of me but who I thought I was. I felt like I could better choose who I wanted to be around. I think I went through 3 groups of friends before I found a wonderful bunch of girls that took me for who I was. This is what I want to help my son realize. He is an awesome person. He has friends right now but they just happen to live farther away. He can better choose who he wants to hang out with. As long as he treats others with kindness the friendship will come.

Now this is a warning for other mom’s. I saw this happen with my son but I also see why it happens. We as mom’s set the example. We get so comfortable with the people we know that we don’t take the time to reach out to people we don’t know. This will result in others feeling left out or like they don’t fit in. Our children will learn from us. I’ve had this happen to me a couple of times since moving but I’ve also had the opposite happen where someone will take the time to try and find out more about me. I appreciate these people. I’m a shy person until you get to know me. I have a really hard time approaching someone I don’t know very well. If our kids see us including those who are on the outskirts of our little groups than maybe they will want to do the same. Let’s make it a point to seek out those who are new. Let’s not just talk to them but get to know them. Let’s do our best to teach our kids to do the same.